Nursing school has sucked the funny out of me...

So, I'm way-flattered that I have had several comments about the fact that I have not blogged in quite awhile.  When I write these little blogposts, I really don't even think about the fact that other people are going to read it.  Mostly, it has been a personal little pressure valve on my sanity.

So, due to popular demand (like, 3 people), I've tried to jot out a few posts.  Even posted one, one that I just re-read and DELETED.  And, I have come to the realization, I'm afraid, that I may have lost any sort of semblance of funny or witty or intelligent or even lucid trains of thought.  Possibly, permanently.  Nursing school has sucked the funny out of me.  Good grief.  Why couldn't it have sucked-out the adipose cells in my butt (due to the elevated levels of glucose and carbohydrates I have consumed while studying)?


See?  Everything is a medical term now.  When I look at people, I now see zygomatic muscles and lacrimal apparatuses.  Charlie rubs my shoulders while I study and I think, "Oh, that feels good to my trapezius.  Oh, baby."  I read labels on everything.  And, I'm convinced every time we move to a different disease in pathophysiology, that I'm dying of that condition.  I look into Peanut's beautiful blue eyes and wonder what her optic discs look like.  Oh.  My.  Gosh!


People.  I'm not even six months in.  Crazy has settled in and won't take the hint she has overstayed her welcome!  Some days I have to concentrate just to remember to breathe.  Some days I feel like giving a sitter my credit card and running away.


Some days I am keenly aware of the presence of the Living Water in my life.  Days when I KNOW I have nothing left of my own, He provides.  Days when I feel like I've alienated all my friends and family by NEVER being available for them, He uses their hands and feet to minister to me in child care, smiles, prayers, hugs, ears to listen.


Some fellow classmates have already given up.  Some have dropped out.  And, I know that was the best decision for them.  But, me?  No.  I have thought about it.  I've even been told maybe I should consider it.  But, I asked God and He gave me an emphatic "No, little Kimmy.  You are where I have placed you right now.  Hang on."


So, I will keep on keeping on.  I'm figuring if He brought me to it, as cliche as it sounds, He will bring me through it.  Jesus certainly has a perfect track-record of faithfulness in MY life.


I just pray for all of you guys.  Why?  Because you have to watch the struggle.  Listen to the whining.  Endure the boring Instagram pics of myself studying in bed.  I pity your position. Unfriend or unfollow if you need to, you'll get no judgement from me!


But, know I love you guys.  Every single letter of every word of encouragement you all have given me is treasured in my heart.


Kim

Gorgeous on the inside...

Big breath in.  The last month has been good, but CRAZY!  Seriously, let's list just a few of the events:

• Wrapped up my photography career into a neat little box and stored it away until nursing school is over.
• Bradyn got braces.
• Morgan ROCKED out the ACT.
• Bradyn got contacts.
• Anna potty trained herself in one day...still only one accident.
• I started a diet (which has entailed an hour a day commitment to work out - 8 pounds so far.)
• Interviewed with The University of Tennessee Health Science Center for their Masters of Science in Nursing degree.
• Morgan totalled her car - all over our neighborhood clubhouse lawn and landscape (poor Moey.)
• Went to Maui with three of my favorite people in the world.
• Survived a tsunami.  (Okay, okay.   A little melodramatic.  We slept in our rental car on a hill in Kapalua while my Facebook page exploded by wonderful people who care about me.)
• Was accepted to UTHSC nursing school!  
• Am I leaving anything out?  (Oh, wait.  That's not a list item.)

Am I leaving anything out?  My life is GREAT.  Seriously.  I told a lady at church today, that if faced with a wishing well, penny in hand, I would be scrambling for something to wish for.  Now, this kind of life-season doesn't come along too often.  You know, when everything is going smoothly and everyone you are responsible for is seemingly happy and healthy.  So, please know I'm aware of my amazing God's favor on me right now.  Why on earth He is choosing to bless me so, right now? I don't know.  But, I certainly ain't gonna question it!

All that being said, I still own a toddler.  And, two teenagers.  The teenagers are, for the most part right now, a joy.  It's that rascal Peanut.  We are working on all sorts of godly behavior we want her to learn to demonstrate in her daily life.  You know.  Talking to others respectfully, please and thank you's, contrition, generosity, and "cetra."

I'm not gonna lie.  I think all three of my girls are the most beautiful children on the planet.  As most of you all probably feel about your own.  We all, of course, get the nice complements about how beautiful they are constantly.  To which they are SUPPOSED to reply, "Thank you."  Sometimes, it comes out more like, "uh, huh."  SO, we're working on what it means to be "pretty in our hearts."  I'm pulling out the scriptures left and right:

     "The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” - 1 Samuel 16:7

    "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." - Proverbs 31:30

Post-mortem time-out meetings go something like this:

     "Okay, Anna.  The timer went off.  What do you need to say?"

     "I'n sawy, mommy."

     "What are you sorry for?"

     "I'n sawy I not share."

     "That's good, Peanut.  You are my beautiful little girl.  But, Jesus wants us to beautiful in our hearts, too.  And, when we share and are nice to our friends, our insides are beautiful, too!  Okay?"

     "Otay, mommy.  I wuv you."

     "I love you, too, little Peanut."

Now, I know, this sounds all happy and sweet and crap, but I must tell you, this is like, a hundred times per day.  So, imagine the tantrums and attitude and hitting and grabbing of toys out of friends' hands all the time.....as you think of this sweet moment.  It takes a lot out of a 40-something mom!  And, seriously, sometimes I wonder if we're going through this stage so that God can remind ME that I need to beautiful on the inside as well.  Ah, good ol' learning through repetition.  

     "Dear God, Please forgive me for focusing on outward appearances and help me be beautiful on the inside.  Amen."

A new chapter...

It's that time of year again when the phone starts ringing, and emails keep my phone a buzzin'.    It's that time when people start making their photographic plans for the year.  And, I love it!

However...

It has been brought to my attention, that while I think I can do everything, I cannot.  I am currently taking Microbiology to finish up (as some of you know) prerequisites to get into nursing school.  I've applied to a couple of different programs, and am SO excited about my new career possibilities.  But, I thought I would be able to handle it all.  Turns out...maybe I was wrong.  There, I said it.  I was wrong.  Boy, oh boy.  I bet there are a few of you enjoying THAT phrase coming from my mouth!  But, it's true.  It's crazy up in the Jay crib!

Yeah, the new year has a way of making you take stock of your life, your priorities, and your schedule.  And, if the new year doesn't...completing your tax-prep sure will!  So, while I will definitely fulfill the appointments I do have on the calendar, I will not be taking any new ones.  This tears me up!  I love it so much, but I just can't do it all.  My girls will have to be my creative outlet for the time being.

I would like to thank all of my customers who have been SO sweet, and supportive, and loyal.  And, in two years, maybe I will get the photography part of my life back.  But, it is clear that God is leading me in a different direction.  I pray for my clients, especially as I edit your sweet pics.  So, if you have  an extra minute, would you pray for me?  This next few years are going to be tough ones.  Morgan will be a senior in high school, Bradyn will be an 8th grader, Anna will be in daycare for the first time, and I will be in school FULL-TIME.  Poor Charlie.  Pray for him the most.  :)

I have a LOAD of photographer friends who are AMAZING!  I would be glad to give you names and urls.  Just drop me a line.  :)

With much love and gratitude for you all,

Kim