About Me

My photo
I'm a child of God, wife to Charlie, mom to three beautiful girls, daughter to Dennis and Susan, and friend to as many as I can meet. (In that order.) Welcome to my bloggaroni. :) Follow me on Twitter: thatsmykimjay / Go to my site: www.kimjay.com

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Just another whiny blogpost about my body image...

Announced yet again today in Twitterville, that today is Day One on Weight-Watchers. A brilliant photographer friend of mine (whom I will not name - because it was a private, DM message in Twitter) offered this suggestion:
kim - here's my ww secret. book a boudoir shoot w/someone. pay for it. 3 months out... and you'll have a deadline. terrifying - totally works!
Now, THAT would be a diet plan! Only, I'd rather be dangled butt-naked over a pit of angry rats, than get a boudoir session. Oh my gosh. Not sure it would have the same effect if I posed for my sexy shots in my Eddie Bauer sweatshirt and my oversized sweatpants. Not to mention the sexy house shoes I'd refuse to take off because of those ugly feet!

So, we chatted a bit. I told her I used to plan tropical, bikini wearing, vacations to get my gumption going. Didn't work for Aruba. Instead, I chose to sit in the retirement-aged section of the beach, instead of in the middle of the Spring-breakers. And, whooo-boy! Those cute old dudes thought I was the hottest thing going! Sigh.

I admitted to her and now to you, I think my issues are with God on this one. It all boils down to expectations and entitlement. There are so many expectations placed on women's shoulders, that I feel like I should be entitled to CATCH A BREAK. That break for me, would be to feel okay with my body.

We are expected to:

  • Keep up a household (what's for dinner? did you deposit the check? did the drycleaning get picked up? this place is a wreck!)
  • Raise decent, God-fearing, honest, productive children (cause we all know where the finger points if one of them pops up a serial killer!)
  • Help with the bottom line (colleges, colleges, colleges...all coming soon)
  • AND, stay fit and sexy (I cannot tell you how many times a guy has said something to me like, "He cheated, but his wife let herself go," or "He cheated on YOU? But, you are so pretty?" or just a few pounds and you'd be perfect!" - NONE of these, by the way, have been spoken by my dear, sweet, Dancin' Jimmy)
  • Then, don't even get me started on that dang Proverbs 31 chick:
10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.

11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.

12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.

13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.

14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.

15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.

16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.

18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.

19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.

21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.

26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:

29 "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

31 Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Whew! I just want to strangle the crazy, overachieving, bee-yatch... Oops. Repent, Kim, repent! Oh dear, now I'm just waiting for my phone to ring. "Sorry mom."

Anyway. I just really feel like we have soooo much on us. Why do we all have to get fat so easy? And, then why do we care? I feel like every time I diet I am doing it for somebody else. Cause, let's be honest girls. Who of us would try to stay fit if there weren't a man involved? We all know we'd be sitting on the couch eating cookie dough with a spoon every night.

Okay. Lots of repenting to do now. Better go get on my knees and plead for forgiveness. While I'm there, I'm going to ask His help. I'm going to ask Him to help me make peace with my lot in life. I'm a woman. He will probably point out, that the good old Proverbs31 lady? She was pretty because of her character. "Beauty is fleeting." I wonder if she did all that other stuff, though, because she felt lacking in beauty? Don't WE all do that? Lots to talk about with the Man Upstairs. Love you all - and if it counts for anything today...I think you are beautiful. Every one of you.



  1. Kim, what you're going through is something many of us can relate to... myself included.

    I don't like my appearance, but haven't done as much as I should to make any real changes. Now that my body has been rebelling against me in the form of back issues due to weak muscles, it's forcing me to get healthy again.

    We had an excellent lesson in church this Sunday and it reminded me of something I'd lost sight of. Ultimately, my body is God's temple and I haven't been taking very good care of what he's given me. No matter how busy I am as a full time WOHM, I still need to take care of me before there's no more of me to take care of.

    I loved your introspective look at yourself. More of us should do that, really. Keep your chin up. Knowing what you have to do is half the battle. You're one strong woman... have the faith that you can do it! I do! :)

    Praying for you.........

  2. You're awesome, do you know that?? FOR REAL. Thanks for the brilliant honesty. There is SO much pressure on us, everywhere we turn. Right now, my house is a disaster and I'm drinking out of a coffee mug that says "A Clean House is a Sign of a Wasted Life." LOVE IT. :) I'm learning to be ok with being the person that doesn't have it altogether.

    I want so badly to have the body I had before the baby. I told Zach last night I'm REALLY trying to embrace health, over image- but in this country, it's SO impossible. As soon as I think I've embraced the right mindset, I see a person on tv or in a magazine and find myself wishing I looked like that. That's RIDICULOUS. I'm a grown woman. I know better.

    Hang in there... keep praying. I'm just SO happy there are other REAL women out there who struggle with this same thing.

  3. Okay that did it for me. I was thinking and thinking about going back to Weight Watchers but ignoring all the little signals from God, like friends(whom I never dreamed would go to WW) mentioning that they plan to go. I've done WW before and it's the only thing that worked. Now I happen to see your tweet which leads me to the blog and so I've decided to do it and head to a meeting today. Today is Day 1.