The Facebook conundrum...

Conundrum.  There's a $25 word!  But, every time I think about leaving Facebook, that word shows up in bright, blinking lights in my brain.  I'm not even 100% certain I've even spelled it correctly, but it pretty much sums up my whole Facebook experience.

In preparation for this blog today, I went back on my wall to see when I joined the world of Facebook…

2008.  Good heavens, I've been on Facebook for over five years now?  How is that possible?  It has been the source of distraction for most of Peanut's life.  It has stepped in and sucked up hours and hours of my time.  It has fed into my own need for acceptance, belonging, and to counter-act loneliness.  It's been my place to whine (mostly about the cold weather, or nursing school.)  It has been my number one marketing tool for www.kimjay.com and this blog.  It is a very efficient way to share photos of my kids and vacations with my parents and family.  It is an amazing thing.  

So, as with many things in life, along with the good comes the bad.  From time to time, I have tried to "kick my Facebook habit" by deactivating my account.  I get paranoid about what people might think about me.  Whether they wish they never "friended me on Facebook" because I post so daggum much.   Whether they think I'm bragging about my life.  Or, whining too much.  Or, whatever.  But, much like the Hotel California, Facebook lets you check out (by deactivating) but you can never leave (once you join, you can never delete your account.) 

As an ENFJ (google it - it's a personality type), I tend to always want to know what's going on with all my friends.  When I hear someone is sick, I pray.  When I hear of a break-up of a marriage, I pray and offer support.  When I hear of a death, my heart hurts.  I'm not trying to sound all braggy, I'm trying to express to you that I spend a lot of time and energy sympathizing with others that I may or may not should expend.  I'm reminded by people in my life frequently that I need to let stuff go and choose where to spend my emotional energy.  This is true.  I realized it when I came home from work completely unable to sleep for worrying and praying about a patient.  While, this is a good trait, it can sometimes overtake me to the point of being unhealthy.

Then, there's the overwhelming urge to share all the wonderful experiences God has given me.  I feel so happy and lucky and blessed.  My joy is hard to contain when my kids do something awesome, or I'm presented with the beauty of the world, or am given a happy moment just chilling with my puppy.  This trait in me is purely genetic.  It comes from my parents on both sides.  So, really, it's their fault.  I honestly promise when I post pics of vacations, or funny things my kids say, or accomplishments of myself or of those I love, in my heart it doesn't even occur to me that it might be boasting.  I sincerely feel so amazed by every such event that God chooses to bless me so, that I want to share it.  Not to mention how much I LOVE reading everyone else's such news or looking at their photos of awesomeness.  But, then I obsess about whether I just sounded braggy.  Ugh.  CONUNDRUM.

This leads me to the need for a disconnect from the Facebook world.  It is nice for about five minutes.  Then, the effort to avoid the "checking" starts weighing on me.  Then, two or three days in, I miss my people.  I feel lonely and isolated and sad.  I miss it.  Frankly, I love to make people laugh.  I enjoy the likes and the comments on my status updates way too much.  It's some kind of cathartic release to share a thought and get feedback that I'm not alone, or made someone's day, or made someone think.  I'm addicted.  

Not even to mention…it's the main way we communicate with each other these days.  My small group, my work group, my friends, my kids, my parents.  We all head to Facebook to get a message to someone we know.  It really is an awesome phenomenon.  I wonder if Zuckerberg ever dreamed would result.  If I'm not on the FB, I'm not in the loop.

So, yeah.  It's a conundrum.  I vacillate back and forth daily on whether I should participate in the "Book."  If I annoy you, I apologize.  If I don't, God bless you.  Sometimes, no - most times, I annoy MYSELF.  Whatever the case, please know that I truly just want what most of us want.  To belong.  To be apart of another's life in a meaningful way.  To connect…with YOU.