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I'm a child of God, wife to Charlie, mom to three beautiful girls, daughter to Dennis and Susan, and friend to as many as I can meet. (In that order.) Welcome to my bloggaroni. :) Follow me on Twitter: thatsmykimjay / Go to my site: www.kimjay.com

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Women ONLY, please...

NOTE: Men, sorry, but you are not invited to this discussion. Not that you aren't always welcome to my blog - but this one is just hard for anyone to get unless you have given birth, and not useful to those of the human race who will NEVER give birth. It may contain graphic material not suitable for that same portion of the human race who, is capable of napping on Sundays guilt-free.

Now that we have that taken care of, let's get on with it. I'm stressing about the big, daggum, FOUR-OH, that is looming ever nearer. Yesterday was just a long, sad, reminder that I am AY-GEENG! Blah. T-minus 1 month, 29 days until the day that will live in infamy. Not quite December 7, but two days later - December 9. Hint-hint: you can email me to get the address in which to send the Canon 5d Mark ii, to.

Last night, as I lay in bed, contemplating the day, I tweeted. (No, that does not involve pulling the sheets over my husband's head.):

You see, all three of my children, precious-precious children, decided that when the time was right, they just COULDN'T WAIT to get on out of my body. Morgan-5 hours labor, Bradyn-4 hours labor, Anna (induced 2 weeks early) -7 hours. Keep in mind, I went from 7 centimeters to 0 in a matter of 30 minutes with Anna...excusing her from the previous 6 hours of labor. And, let me just say the term "labor" is used loosely here. I pushed with Morgan for 30 minutes. Bradyn shot on out when the doctor made me laugh. No kidding. I didn't push, I LAUGHED THAT GIRL OUT! My mom says her Native-American name should be "Laughing Moon." And Anna, well, little Anna had to be pushed back up and held there until they could get all the crap set up to catch her in!

So, okay - I know we all LOVE to share our birthing stories, don't we? We love comparing and competing with our fellow moms as to who has the best story! But, all of that was to say, those sweet little girls RIPPED my pelvic floor right out of my body. No kidding - it shot straight across the room and hit Charlie on the back as he was gazing at his new little Peanut. They swept it up and stuffed it back in and it has never done its job quite right ever since. So what does this mean? This means that I cannot lift anything heavier than 30 pounds - without wetting myself. I cannot cough - without wetting myself. I cannot sneeze - without wetting myself. I cannot laugh - without wetting myself. Talk about SEXY! Woo hoo!

Now, I know I will be mortified the second this blog hits the internet. Did you just tell the internet you pee yourself all day? Yes, I certainly did. My hope that it is completely temporary. Already seen the doc and the good ol' Kegels are NOT gonna get it. It is at the point of requiring surgical intervention. Which, I have been assured will be successful...AS LONG AS I DO NOT LIFT ANYTHING OVER 5 POUNDS FOR 8 WEEKS! Oh, lovely. I went in, hoping to get this out of the way so I could get on with my former-young-feeling life. But, dang it, Anna is definitely not under the 5 pound limit. And, she's still in a crib, which requires SOMEONE to hoist her out after naptime. Besides? How can I not lift that sweet baby up in the air and kiss all over her "beh-buh" (belly-button)? Impossible.

So, it looks like I will enter my 40's well-entrenched in the joys of aging. Some of us get to sail through them looking better than ever (Sheryl Crow, Courtney Cox.) No, I'm carrying my industrial sized Costco box of pantyliners with me into the next decade. Blah.


  1. OMGOSH! I feel your pain. Mine is because of a radical hysterectomy for cancer when I was 32, after giving birth to 3. I am now many, many, many years past 32, and don't remember the feeling of "unadorned" panties. I just found out about the laproscopic (sp)surgical route, and will be undertaking it as soon as I can get in to see my dr.

    Sexy panties here I come!!!

    Best of luck, and "Always" pantyliners RAWCK!


  2. Thank you so much for making me laugh. Your a kick in the pants! Literally!

  3. Literally 2 weeks after finding out that I could never have children due to chemo during the ages of 17-19 (the time when my doctors were telling me that I could still get pregnant; don't have sex), my very good friend and matron of honor asked me to be in the delivery room with her when she delivered her first child. I agreed -- one of the emotionally hardest things to do from a perfectly self-pitying perspective, and honestly, wouldn't trade the experience for all of the world. Now I know lamaze and use it for breathing through pain like blood drawing. Anyway, Monique kept changing her mind as to whom she wanted holding her hand at the moment. Her husband and I would trade places, the one not holding Monique's hand had to hold the camera. At the crowning moment, and I do mean that with the pun intended, I wound up with the camera. Never, and I mean never, did I think I would see that end of my friend! I took the picture, and then stood aghast as I saw how much skill was involved in an episiotomy. Scissors? Seriously? There's nothing more involved than scissors?
    Aside from that, being grateful that "that area" would never have to be cut like that, I congratulated my friend on her new family, and went home and sat in the bathtub for an hour sobbing on everything that I was going to miss out on.
    Two years later, my husband and I got to adopt the most precious baby boy. We met him when he was 2 weeks old, and the adoption was imminent. If the attorney hadn't have been on her honeymoon -- seriously, it was a second marriage for both; it could have been delayed -- we could have brought the baby home then. Instead, we adopted Nicholas when he was one month old, to the day.
    In every way he is mine, but there is that one 9 month + hospital connection we will never have. I may not have the need for the mega-sized panty liners, but be glad that you do.
    BTW - I'm having a hard time with the four-oh, too. I'll save that for another blog. LOL (Sorry for adding a blog to your blog.)

  4. I have never had children. I am 22 years old.


    I pee every time I am laughing, crying, scared, sneezing, lifting, trying not to pee, trying to pee, etc. I very recently wet the bed of my very forgiving boyfriend (I think he was too sleepy to care). This was the result of a pretty heinous urinary tract/bladder infection I got a few weeks ago. So I can kind of relate? Hopefully, I will get better soon.

  5. The point = I would gladly give up bladder control to have such a full, loving family. I would also go for the laparoscopic surgery. One of my friends did that and loves her new self.

  6. I'm hitting forty on January 29 and know exactly what you're going through. The old "leak when you cough" thing really sucks as well as those little grey hairs sneaking in and the laugh lines at our eyes. Just think though, we have healthy children, rooves over our heads, and food on the table. We are so very lucky and deserve to be proud of where we are in our lives. I wouldn't go back to twenty for anything.

  7. I was telling my friend "I'm going to pee my pants if I don't get to a bathroom!" and she was all "huh, what?" because she hasn't had kids. That said. I love 41. Women are in their prime at 40 and last time I looked you had a cute hubby so..........Yes my body isn't perfect. But I feel wiser and less concerned with what other people think of me. I am way more accepting of other people and have a greater ability to have compassion for those people who make different choices than I(probably cuz I accept myself). Do I think this is easy? Not really, but I'm still going to have fun and enjoy life on earth and not worry too much about all the details cuz most things work themselves out.BTW the house is a mess, oh well.
    My friend did physical therapy for her leaky parts and it worked, they did ultrasound I think. Maybe that's an option for you. I can get details if you need them.

  8. so that's why you keep running to the bathroom

  9. Obviously, my husband cannot read or just doesn't follow directions very well!!!

  10. really great blog
    here is a blog about women
    health and pregnancy and tubal reversal

    tubal reversal

  11. Being a girl is simply...fun. Seriously...I think we have paid over and over for that damn apple. Enough already :-(
    Hugs and wish I lived closer so I could help a girl out! You can always call me and I will try not to make you laugh to hard ;)

  12. don't feel bad...this baby is dancing on my bladder...I bought a package of Poise pads the other day to my dismay...GIRL POWER!!!

  13. Every woman has right to dream of having a baby. Tubal reversal allows a woman the ability to conceive naturally without any harm. Although tubal ligation is considered a permanent method of birth control, but at some later stage you think that you have done something wrong and you should not have done tubal ligation. But don’t worry, in approximately 90% of cases the procedure can be reversed.