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I'm a child of God, wife to Charlie, mom to three beautiful girls, daughter to Dennis and Susan, and friend to as many as I can meet. (In that order.) Welcome to my bloggaroni. :) Follow me on Twitter: thatsmykimjay / Go to my site: www.kimjay.com

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

What I hate about you...

Weight-loss....here's what I hate about you. Two major things:


HATE. It. Hate. Like, HATE. H - A - T - E. Seriously...HATE!!!!!!!!

Look at that thing. Standing over me, with it's little hands on its hips as if you say, "Come on, you fat slob. Get up and move, you bum!" Hate that elliptical machine.

And, no, I do NOT feel better after "a good run." No, it is not relaxing, stress-relieving, OR addicting. I do not get warm fuzzies over a new pair of running shoes. No, I do not. I can't even bring myself to fake enthusiasm over something so tortuous, so sweaty, so boring, and a complete waste of a good toddler-nap. Hate. It. Have I made myself clear? Hate.

Not to mention, the safety aspects alone. I mean, do we really want Mama wielding these when she is living in Crazy-No-Sugar-Ville?

It, however, is ESSENTIAL for weight-loss. Rarely, do you hear of success stories (regardless of the diet plan) of those fortunate to have LOST weight on a diet, that does not include the fact that they were SWEATING everyday. Seriously. You are kidding yourself if you think you are EVER gonna lose weight without exercising. And, the realization of this fact (ahem) PISSES ME OFF. Because, as I have said before I HATE it!

Better move on before I have an aneurism.


This one is a strong second to exercise, because, well, Mama loves her sugar. And, bread. Love it. LOVE. IT. I could live on a diet of Sister Schubert's rolls alone, and never care about variety. I love that woman!

Okay - that's not true. I gotta have me some sushi. Let's see, that's sugar, bread, sushi, and (close your ears, girls) tequila. I enjoy all of them. They are good. They are enjoyable. I want them. But, for obvious reasons, I cannot be going around consuming them everyday. Lord, I'd be 400 pounds in a drunken stupor. Not pretty. Also, I am developing a hate-hate relationship with salad. Sick - of - it. I don't care if I ever eat another "leafy green" ever again in the 60-something years left in my life. I am sick of it. Sick. Of it. Blech.

I have now tried several diets, including Weight-Watchers, and the no-carb diet. Weight-Watchers is good, IF YOU FOLLOW IT. That's where I have the problem. :) I will be doing fine, but then, will get bored with the same ol' things everyday (because I get lazy about counting up points of new food items.) I do like that you can have an occasional M&M, without freaking out your body like with the no-carb. And, honestly, I once lost 20 pounds on a combination Weight-Watchers/Marital-Distress diet. But, it is really hard. I also have to say, Weight-Watchers, when done correctly, is the best life-changing-habits plan. The point system teaches portion control, and selecting better foods. Healthy = Less Points = More Per Day.

Now, no-carb. No-carb should be a valid defense in a court of law for homicide. Right up there with self-defense and insanity. You become an evil-death-monger. For about 3-7 days. Then, you get over yourself a bit. It is good because you are really not hungry. You're eating plenty of protein, veggies, nuts, and some even eat fruits. Just no sugar or bread. It is amazing how addicted to sugar we can be. I was seriously desirous of physical violence. I didn't care who or why. Just wanted to put my fist into something.

Sadly, the very best weigh-loss plan I have had results with - MARITAL STRESS. Yes. Twice in my life, I have lost a LOT of weight and got really skinny. And, I LOVED it (being skinny - not divorce.) The plan, however, is NOT for me. And, thankfully, I don't think Dancin' Jimmy is up for the program either. So, it's off to the evil elliptical machine, Biggest Loser for Wii, and my Points Calculator. Grrrr. Now, if I get this weight off despite being happily married, I will REALLY be proud of myself!

Aruba...here I come!


  1. If it makes you feel any better, I hate the elliptical machine, too. I just can't do it. I'm not coordinated enough or my legs are too short. Either way, I've tried it once and almost broke my neck!

  2. Um, can I copy and paste this (all but the last paragraph) and put it into my blog??? Because, I swear the words you typed out came straight outta my mouth!! (Right after I shoved a beloved Sister Schubert roll and a handful of peanut M&Ms in my mouth!)

    Good luck!!!

  3. hillarious! I always feel terrible how hard I laugh at your misery. Not to mention, I'm kind of cheating on this whole no carb no sugar thing...............Thank goodness I love to surf, but even I'm hitting the nordic track. Maybe we could work out and skype?! OMG!