I could write about this morning's car ride from my sister-in-law's house in East Memphis, all the way to the Wolfchase exit....SCREAMING bloody murder that whole time, or last Sunday at the Lakehouse (and the boat-neighbors who were innocent bystanders and witnesses to the horror that ensued), or the last Thursday note home from school which was accompanied by an impromptu teacher meeting in the hall...
In case you can't read that, it says, "Anna had a great day but she had to go to time out for getting mad and throwing her hairbow at Ms. Kate!" (Exclamation. She used an exclamation!) I love how it starts out, "Anna had a great day..." I can't help but wonder if that could be translated as, "Anna had a great day, but the teachers, however..." They said they had to HOLD her in time out. Yeah, I believe them.
I am just about at my wit's end. I am not even writing this as a funny, ha-ha, I'm a 40 year-old with a toddler, story. I AM AT MY WITS END, people! Tap, tap, tap...is this thing on? And, girls (and guys), we're only a little over a month in...to this two-year-old deal. And, frankly, I have no grand illusions of any kind of three-year-old magic wonderfulness. No, God gave me The Nut. Or as Charlie affectionately refers to her, Nutcase.
Venting on the phone the other day to my sweet friend, she offered this godly insight, "I wonder if God feels the same way about us when we are out of control." Hmmmm. You know, if we didn't have godly friends like Pam in our lives, how would we ever weed through all the wordly crap? Yes. Good point, Pamalama (as I affectionately refer to HER.)
I bet God is just here standing around us as we flail about, putting His big arms out and making sure we don't slam our heads against the proverbial hardwood floors. I bet He is just like, "Ugh! Kim! Get a grip! As soon as you calm down, I will be able to TELL you what will make you happy!" But, no. We want our craziness. We want our pity parties, our fits, our tantrums. It's fun. People give us attention for it. We get the focus. So pathetic we are. But, He loves us anyway. Why? Because He made us. Because we are in His image - just like little Anna looks like me, I look like God. We have found ourselves quite partial to these little beings we pushed out of our misshapen bodies. And, the Lord is quite partial to us.
This morning, I went to change the Nut's diaper. "Come on, Peanut, let's go get that stinky diaper off!" "Okay, mama!" We went to my bedroom and I put the changing mat down on my bed. Anna is on my hip, and as I go to lay her down on the bed, she says, "No. Mama, shhhh." She put her thumb on my lips. I didn't know WHAT she was doing. She closed her eyes, puckered up her lips, held my face in her little hands - that currently smell like mustard after this...
and kissed me so sweetly. Then, she put her face against mine, wrapped her hands around my neck and hugged me for what seemed like five minutes. Kissed me again, and then let me lay her down to change her diaper. I will remember this day for the rest of my life. That was the sweetest, most affectionate show of love I have received...possibly ever.
Oh, Jesus. I want to hold your face in my hands and kiss you and hug you like that! I know one day, I will. But, until then, what shall I ever do? In some ways, when Anna loved on me this morning, it was as if Jesus had directly told her to. Thank you, Anna. Thank you, Jesus. You sure know what a mom needs to get her through. And, I promise, I will put on my big girl pants and tone down the tantrums.