Morning people...

I don’t like them.

Okay, that’s not true. The fact is, I deeply love many of those freaks of nature. Charlie, Morgan, Aunt Judy and Uncle Bobby, Memaw, my Daddy are a few. I am just insanely jealous of that particular trait God has blessed them with. If I could change anything about myself...okay, well let’s face it, we’d be here all day if I listed everything. But, if I could change anything about myself - being a morning person would be high on the list. In fact, it has been the topic of many a wish accompanying a penny into a fountain.

There are several issues that come with not being a morning person. First, morning people tend to be a little judgmental towards us. Admit it, you morning people! You know that you have secretly, and sometimes not-so-secretly, thought to yourself that we non-morning-people are just plain lazy. I would like to go on record saying that this is totally false. There was a point in my life where I was getting up late with little ones because I didn’t have to be anywhere and neither did they. But, once I was up...I was keeping a clean home, sewing numerous projects, chasing toddlers, making breakfast lunch and dinner, serving on committees, and staying up until 2 a.m. working on the house, planning a VBS, or sewing to save money. I really don't think I was lazy.

Secondly, we non-morning people don’t sleep late because we are laying in bed thinking, “Oh, I’ll just sleep a little more instead of enjoying this beautiful day.” NO! We are physically using every ounce of willpower we can muster to get the cells in our bodies to cooperate all at once, heaving themselves out of that bed. Just as you morning people have a hard time going back to sleep after you are awakened - we late risers have an equally hard time NOT going back to sleep. We cannot control this phenomenon. We would LOVE to be able to jump out of bed the first time we open our eyes. It is just physically impossible. It is how we were created.

Another thing. It has been my observation that early risers are more prone to naps and going to bed early. I will not name any names, but a certain person, who would frequently comment that “8:30 is early for you, Kim!” would come to visit. They would nearly always sleep an hour or two in the afternoon and go to bed at 8:30-9:00 at night. Now, I did the math on several occasions and realized that I was staying awake 6 more hours a day than this person! I was accomplishing three times as much! And, this person clearly insinuated that I must be lazy because it is hard for me to wake up.

So why does this happen? Why do early risers get to be that way? It is my assertion that God just made us all different. For reasons that He only knows. I have tried to make an effort to be conscious of this. As a manager at the bank, I was regularly called upon to be at meetings early in the morning. Besides the obvious logistical problems this caused with kids as a single mom, it was just plain hard to get up earlier. I noticed that in these meetings there were always a few who showed up 10 minutes early, having read their paper, drank their coffee, and leisurely delivered their kids to school. I however, mostly commiserated with those in the meeting who seemed to land into their seats, as if to say, "I made it! What's my time?" These wonderful human beings obviously had a morning that mirrored mine.

Here's how their day started:

Morning began with that foul alarm device that shouted profane obscenities, “Beep, beep, beep, beep...”, continuing for at least four snoozes. The alarm clock manufacturer took great pains to "beep" out the words, just like watching an episode of Jon and Kate Plus Eight. But, I know very well the words it was covering - and Miss Susan (my Mama) wouldn't care for them none too much.

Eventually they managed to roll out of bed and into the shower. This is a non-morning person's only hope of consciousness. At some point during the shower, you realize that you have been washing your hair for five minutes over and over again. Or, you spend five minutes trying to remember if you washed it at all. Shaving? Well, that must wait until later in the day. Way too dangerous for a non-morning person to wield something that sharp that early in the day. You finally wake up when your early morning child - that little brat - yells at you that she is ready to go. Oh the gall!

You get out of the shower to find that you have been in there for a full hour! Okay, not really. Maybe 45 minutes. At this point, the race is on. You are left with a handful of minutes to get it all done and get to that blasted early meeting at work. Brush hair, brush teeth, gather and sign the papers for school that you were supposed to gather and sign last night, grab moola for lunches because you don't have time to make them, and you forgot to do that the night before as well. Argue with oldest child, argue with youngest child, jump in the car, stop in the driveway to throw out yesterday's Coke can into the garage that you will pick up when you get home, and speed out of the neighborhood.

Yes, I know how those meeting racers feel. And, you know what? Those early morning people get raises and kudos and accolades for their punctuality. That is completely ridiculous. To give rewards to people who are doing what God gave them a natural tendency for, that’s like someone complementing me for being able to stay up later than everyone else. I think when you are hired you should be required to disclose whether or not you are a morning person. THEN, the people who consistently show up for meetings on time who are KNOWN non-morning people should be rewarded. Because they.....they have truly done miracles...and they deserve the pat on the back for it.