so my soul pants for you, O God.” (Psalm 42:1)
I’m panting so hard for God today, that I think I’m gonna need my inhaler! I just feel so starved for His presence today. Ever get that way? It doesn’t happen much, in my busy-busy life, but today it is. But, gosh, that’s bad isn’t it?
Back at the beginning of this blog I wrote about that priority time I was going to try to start. Done it twice so far. Ugh. How pathetic. I’m absolutely certain that the feelings I feel today are because of my avoidance of God. I feel so down and depressed. I look at everyone else’s life and wish. The grass is always greener. Wonder if the deer wish they were fish so they always had water? Then they wouldn’t have to go around panting all day, and all would be right with the world. Oh, they would think, if only I were a fish!
I was Twittering today, and two of my Tweeps (Twitter friends) were talking about how they hate their tiny little offices. Of course, me at home with the baby hanging on my arm, making it a physical miracle anything ever gets blogged, was thinking, Man, how I would love to go to an office and work ALONE all day! I would be such a better mom/wife if I were NOT doing it ALL the time!
I know I have soooo many blessings. And, I’m sure there are those of you thinking to themselves that my life would be a great swap. But, isn’t that the case for everyone? The single person spends their days thinking about being happily married. The married person thinks about their old life as a single person. The teenager wants desperately to finally be an adult. The grownup yearns for the old days as a teenager. The toddler wants to be a “big girl.” The middle child wants to be the baby. And, on and on and on…
Perhaps God designed it that way? Perhaps He put in us that little gene of desire somewhere deep in our DNA, that makes us continuously wonder, What if? Otherwise, would we desire Him? I mean, if our makeup was that of pure contentment, why would we need Him? We’d just sit around happy as can be all day. And, yet, His Word tells us to be content. It’s all so confusing.
“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” (Philipians 4:11-13)
Well, lah-tee-dah, Paul! I’m so glad you have mastered it! How are we supposed to get there?
Today I dream of the day Peanut goes to Kindergarten, and I can work on my photography all day long uninterrupted. But, gosh, I don’t want to rush through her babyhood! Look at Morgan, she’s slipping through my fingers, and Bradyn is fast behind. So I guess I should rest in the day. Today, AnnaGrace is over to play with Anna Katelyn and it is a good day! I will not get ANYTHING done. Which, for the Dennis Roaten in me, is a hard thing to let go. But, my Mama, who is pretty darned near the wisest Christian I know, always reminds me that there are seasons. There will be plenty of time to work. Five years is a blink. It will be gone so fast. And, in that five years, Morgan will be off to college, and Bradyn will be in highschool. Now, to go read Goodnight Moon four hundred times to two little girls who would rather eat the book.
To everything, turn, turn, turn…
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven…” (Ecclesiates 3:1)