No whining today, I promise. Well...
Today began at 5:45 a.m. Peanut crying in bed. I must admit, I was not happy. And, these words came out of my mouth, "It's gonna be another one of those days." Sometimes I can kinda tell that she is just fussing and will go back to sleep. Sometimes I can tell she is just hungry and wants a bottle. I thought that was the deal, so I got up, got her a bottle, and headed for her room. Put her in my bed with the bottle and changed her diaper while she held it herself. Charlie mumbling, "My little Peanut," in his morning stupor.
Okay, she's dry, she's fed. This is where she normally goes back to bed and sleeps in. Only, not this morning. She threw a tantrum the minute we stepped foot in her room. But, sometimes she does that. So, I put her in bed with her pacie and she threw it across the room. Ugh. Seriously. It's 6:00 a.m.! She refused naps yesterday. I'm so tired.
The poor kid was incapable of knowing what she wanted. Everything was making her mad. As I was feeding her, she grabbed the pacie in her lap and put it in her mouth. Then, got mad because I wasn't feeding her. Then, got mad because I took the pacie out to feed her. "Boy," I thought. "It's gonna be a wonderful day." Okay, a bowl full of oatmeal. Tantrum. Pacie. Tantrum. Blanky. Now we're getting somewhere. Finally, after some oatmeal and a few minutes of constant whining, she gets down, grabs her blanky and pacie and lays on the floor. That's it, she's going back to bed and so am I!
Cripes. Back in my cozy bed at 6:30 a.m. and dang it. No sleep. More of the bad mood creeping in. So, I did something that is against my nature in every way. I got up. Yes, Kim Roaten Jay got up out of bed before anyone else in the house, made a pot of coffee, and are you ready for this? I got my Bible out! Let that simmer for a minute.
For those of you who do not know me, I am probably the worst morning person on the planet. I get personally offended when preachers talk about how you should do your "Priority Time" in the mornings. That Jesus did it, and so should I. Seriously. The guilt of this problem plagued me for many years, especially when I worked for the church.
But, I did. I perused the shelf full of devotionals, Bible studies, and books with "deep thoughts" and landed on Max Lucado's study of 1 Corinthians. Opened it up and started it. We'll see how this goes. I used to be that woman. That woman who, although I didn't do it first thing in the morning, did in fact have a daily time with God. The time in my life where I clung to that priority time the most, ironically, was right before the split. I knew in my heart it was coming and was so stirred internally all the time. That priority time got me through and God spoke to me as close to audibly then as I have ever experienced.
So this morning, after the crappy day I had yesterday, and the green funk I feel like I've been in for so long - I actually had a decent idea and followed through with it! Freaking amazing. So, I'll keep you updated on my progress back to the woman I once was. Pray for me.
Love to you all today!